I recently saw a rant about people selling horses because they were pregnant or had a young baby. Several people were congratulating each other because they had kids and could manage several horses. Well fuck me, good for you! But how dare you judge another person for putting their children first! Would you rather have the horse languish somewhere, fading away because it's been forgotten? Or should the mother neglect her children to give her horse the optimum care that you, oh mighty judge, give yours? No? Well what the fuck should she do then? Everyone's life has different pressures and constraints - walk a mile in their shoes before you judge. She might be going back to work to support her family, she might have the horse far away on agistment, she might have a sick baby or one with a disability. Her horse may have special care needs. YOU DON'T KNOW. Heaven forbid that your nasty comments fell on the ears of a mother with postnatal depression......motherhood is difficult enough without fucktards publicly judging you because you sold your beloved horse. Selling the horse would be hard enough too! Heaven forbid that someone wants their family, and their horse, to have a better life. How selfish of them!
And another instance, where a photo of a junior rider had been put on a social media page, that had been specifically set up to shame people. There were many nasty comments on this, and other photos, about the horses and the riders. Every rider is guilty of backseat judging at times, but deliberately shaming someone is disgusting! It's bullying, plain and simple. I wonder how many championships the shamers have to their name? Or if they even compete at all! You can never raise yourself by putting someone else down. You just make yourself look like a nasty bitch. And I'd say that you probably are. This is unacceptable! The recreational horse industry is already in decline, and cannot afford this type of crap. Judgemental attitudes and bullying have no place, yet the industry is rife with it. Social media could be a wonderful tool, sadly it is a platform for the cyber bullies to run riot. How on earth are people supposed to be attracted to competitions, when this type of shit goes on? We should be encouraging and helping people! Never look down on someone, unless you are helping them up.
Now we come to the problem of know-it-alls. Nobody likes a know-it-all, right? Well, imagine this......somebody is struggling to look after their horse, for whatever reason, and have been desperately trying to find somebody to take it on, while slowly watching it decline, knowing that they cannot provide for it. They don't want any money for the horse, just a kind loving home to provide what they can't. Seems reasonable, right? So somebody comes along - hallelujah, they will take the horse! Awesome, seems like a great home. It's a done deal, horsey goes off to live with new person. But soon enough, new person starts the accusations. They "know" that this horse was neglected and abused because it's skinny, it hasn't been wormed in months or had it's feet done, and they "know" that they could have done SUCH a good job with it if it were theirs. They would NEVER have let this happen to THEIR horse. Now let's take a step back - if this person was able to provide optimum care, they would NOT have been giving their horse away in the first place, twit! Likewise if they were an abusive or neglectful owner, they would not care about finding a better home. You DO NOT know their situation, and have no place carrying on about it. No wonder people turn to knackeries, at least they don't ask questions or badmouth people.
Moving on.....before I get too agro! What about those poor owners who ask for advice or assistance with something, and then get torn to shreds for even daring to ask? HOW DARE THEY NOT KNOW!! THEY ARE CRUEL!! What a load of rot. As an experienced horse person, the idea is to educate, not denigrate! This person you are belittling is probably trying their best. Think back to when you first began to learn about horses - you made mistakes, until somebody showed you another way. You didn't know everything. You NEVER know everything. Don't forget - there is always more than one right way to do things, and just because it's different does not make it wrong. We are here to help people, not judge them. And the big rule - NEVER, EVER touch someone else's horse unless they ask you to. Especially if they aren't there. I don't care what you think they have done, or want to do to you, you DO NOT touch their horse. I've seen horses deliberately injured, tails cut off, manes cut off, feed stolen, gear defaced, damaged and/or stolen, you name it. All in the name of bullying. Often for a blue ribbon. I've even had my horse MOVED TO ANOTHER PADDOCK when I wasn't there, because certain people felt that their horse deserved the grass instead of mine. I was working 2 jobs at the time, and they felt that because I couldn't always be there to bring her in at night, she would eat all "their" grass - after the owner of the property assured me that any paddock was fine. Very glad I no longer agist - some of those places are the worst for bullying.
Then there's the "sportist" types. "You are beneath me because you do XXXX sport with your horse." I've heard of a place where certain groups were not allowed to use the indoor arena because their sport would "ruin the surface" - what a load of rubbish! It's simply because they took up a bit of room in your precious riding arena, and you happened to have the ear of the farm owner. Snobbery, combined with bullying. Even better!!
I don't know why the horse world is so nasty. It just seems to attract fuckwits. I have been part of some wonderful groups, where everyone will bend over backwards to help you, without a second thought. But I have also been to some horrendous places, where everyone is out to get you. I do wish I knew how to stop it.....
Thanks for your comment on my blog post, giving advice to student midwives - very sensible. Much appreciated. cheers Sarah
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